Tuesday, November 8
Posted
8.11.05
by Deirdre
Visit me in the sickness
Be not far from my weakness
Shelter me, find me hiding in my sin
How I compromise
I need Jesus, give me Jesus
Lord, forgive me
Have my words lost their meaning
Lord, I love you
But I'm arrogant
I need Jesus, You can heal me
Not my words, not my deed
No, not any other thing
Only You can heal the sickness
Sunday, January 25
Posted
25.1.04
by Deirdre
Don't let the cup pass me by
nor let me dip the morsel
and say goodbye
Am I your Judas, or am I Peter
a stone of faith or stone of trembling
a rock on land or sinking sand
will I just weigh us down into the sea
or do you love me
Do you love me
Tuesday, January 20
Posted
20.1.04
by Deirdre
Heir to your scarsI'm coming in clearly
but I'm hearing you in color
seeing you in stereo
I got mono from kissing up
tried to steal a look or two
took a dirty look from you
cause I'm still coming in clearly
there must be something wrong
your glory isn't fit for thieves
I you know you're right
I can speak in colorful words
and still remain in black and white
like wearing a callous bleeding heart
out on a sleeveless shirt
I am wading in the shallows
and staying skin deep
you're coming in blurry
you're making me weak
Sunday, November 23
Posted
23.11.03
by Deirdre
Memories of another day with you I realized something today
nothing new
it's that I love you
I took a left at my normal right
made a turn from wrong to light
what I found
while driving on
were memories of yesterday
we must have forgotten
I remember when you whispered
you said you loved me, said you missed me
I remember when I kissed you last
my face was red
my heart was too
And I remember, do you
because the hearts we gave away came back as one not two
I realized something today
that you'll wait for me
and I'll come for you
and I'll live for you the words "I love you"
what I made as I kept driving on
were memories of another day
a day that hasn't happened
a day where I'm with you
Sunday, November 16
Posted
16.11.03
by Deirdre
Between the lines
Perhaps I don't know myself well enough to agree with you yet
but something inside me comes out when you tear at my ribs
and dig to my heart and through one side to the other
you kill me with the cutdowns then say you're just kidding
but nothing you say seems too funny when it's directed at me
all I have is my music yet you tell me it's worthless
you called me an antisocial poet and robbed me of pride
you say I'm too introspective
let's face it, I don't know who else to be
But now I know who not to be
so thank you for telling me
you bring back memories of who I was and why I loved hatred
you take me back and pummel my efforts into nothing
so here I am
a fool again
clinging to hate again
I can't blame you, but thank you for trying my patience
I'm weighed and found wanting
I'll run now so I can't fight back with comebacks
I'll hide in the corner and play my guitar the way that pleases me
and no longer because you tell me I suck
all that ever did was make me obsessed
I'd play to improve on what made me hate to...
but I'm not longer playing for you
go amuse yourself, I know you are used to
Posted
16.11.03
by Deirdre
back to my senses
Suffer her
screaching and
frail, thin frame
oh my God
Your bride to be
upon the stage and buried beneath
her feet raised up
to magnetic sky
to north, to death
my head's six feet under
these chains watch my back
and my hands are tied
to depths that I lack
I am a soul solely
unfaithful to you
my life's a cage
I am a pet to rats
they gnaw at my innerds
I try to fight back
but I'm on both sides
hitting myself
clawing my face
and bending my nails back
God, how can you suffer longer than I make you
my sin's a cage, and I am a slave
yet I am outside, starving and holding the rations
inside I remain irrational and eat my hands
yet, you suffer
you suffer long
and give me so long to come back
back to my senses
Sunday, November 9
Posted
9.11.03
by Deirdre
Gloom and Glad
Dmaj D/C# A/C# F#m G C#2 C#m Bm
I guess that this means goodbye
why, oh why do I let it
get by on making you mad
I shared in your gloom and in your glad
so don't guess what the future holds for us
don't throw out the good from goodbye
even these tears may tell us lies
don't take goodbye too literally my friend
you know this means that I'll be back again
so don't cry
save all your tears cause I'll dry your eyes
even these tears may tell us lies
hiding the good from our goodbyes
it's a good night
to wave to our morrow's hugs
and tomorrow's kisses to come
don't take goodbye too literally my friend
you know this means that I'll be back again
don't give in to lies told us by our saddened eyes
cause nothing can keep us from this
not even the distance
Saturday, November 1
Posted
1.11.03
by Deirdre
The boy who stopped the world
by Aaron Sprinkle
Don't think you can stop it now
I'd like to see you try somehow
Realize that it puts it all on you
There's nothing you can do
Right now you're sick and tired
You're feeling sad, you're feeling uninspired
And the clock just won't slow down
Like it gets its kicks pushing you around
You around...
Maybe in the morning in won't be
Quite as bad as it seems
But the fact that you can't change
The speed of sound, the rate of ages
An understatement to the state of mind
You're not used to
Used to...
You'd be
Forever known
As the boy who stopped the world
And made his own
Right now you're sick and tired
You're feeling sad, you're feeling uninspired
So I pray for you my friend
That you'll fall down, you'll give in
You'll give in...
Tuesday, October 28
Posted
28.10.03
by Deirdre
All along
I wrote
I'm nothing with you
said I can't go on without you
and that I'm broken in two
pieces
Of heart and mind
I said I'm losing one but gaining another
side of me
you're the missing part of me
where have you been
all along
oh, the pieces...
But, my heart is racing and my mind is gone
I abandoned my sanity at midnight
and I gave my heart away
and I got another in return
she took half and I got the other
oh, the pieces of love
come together
tonight
I wrote this poem while looking back on
a poem that I had written to my bride
before we had confessed our love for each other.
That poem is called Midnight on the 12th of February.
I wrote this earlier this year.
Midnight on the 12th of February
I'm broke and I'm broken
without a cent to fix the mess
I am without her
and I cannot fly to Unity and hold her
Saturday, October 18
Posted
18.10.03
by Deirdre
Oh me, oh myI finally made it
Guess I made a few
Where am I and you
the boy and the glue
Oh me, Oh my
they come undone
what have I done
I've clung to you
and come undone
where am I in you
Thursday, October 9
Posted
9.10.03
by Deirdre
Somewhere in Between
by Lifehouse
I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing
Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening
This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy
Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
and Just a dream
What is real
and Just a dream
What is real
and Just a dream
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this
Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening
Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
and Just a dream
What is real
and Just a dream
What is real
and Just a dream
What is real and just a dream
©2000 Lifehouse
Posted
9.10.03
by Deirdre
Everything
by Lifehouse
find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
i find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
'cause you're all i want
you are all i need
you are everything
everything
©2000 Lifehouse
Saturday, September 27
Posted
27.9.03
by Deirdre
Perfect memory
by Remy Zero
Remember how they always seemed to know
we had the forest in our eyes
but the earth was in our clothes
and they thought we'd fall
not at all
so look back on the treasured days
we were young in a world that was so tired
though it's not what we wanted before
even the saints had to crawl from the floor
summers when the money was gone you'd sing
all your little songs
that meant every thing to me
and i'll remember you
and the things that we used to do
and the things that we used to say
i'll remember you
that way
remember how they tried to hold you down
and we climbed those towers
and looked down upon our town
and everything you hoped would last
just always becomes your past (it hurts)
summers when the money was gone you'd sing
all your little songs that meant everything
to me
but then this world
slipped through my fingers
and even the sun seemed tired
i still cared
as i lowered you down
my heart just jaded
in that moment the earth made no sound
but you were there
you helped me lift my pain into the air
if it don't hurt you
it won't hurt me
it don't hurt me
then it won't hurt you
if it don't hurt you
it won't hurt me i know
©2003 Remy Zero
visit:
remyzero.com
Monday, September 15
Posted
15.9.03
by Deirdre
Mawkish, fickle
Sappy
happy
you sappy
me happy
sticky like a fickle nickel
no better than beaten around the bush
till our minds go crazy
slow, still, on the upkeep
we're giving in
selling out for pseudo-smiles
making quota by the haze upon our eyes,
I'm happy
the glaze upon a smile, unhappy
unhappy
you and me
all our lies play out upon our faces
we fall in line with smiles and courtesy
but who here really means it
cause they should be our leader
hehe
Wednesday, September 10
Posted
10.9.03
by Deirdre
Tomorrow, forever
when we'll be together
we'll lay beside a willow tree
give our days to counting leaves
and cuddle beneath a setting sun
we'll take our time and share the sky
embrace until the dawn and dew rise
we'll lie and wait till church bells ring
run to marry at the altar
saving all our time together
that slips like sand between our fingers
sprinkling love on our eyes
to give us dreams for when we sleep
when we'll be together, our hearts will skip a beat
we'll share every one after that
and we'll bleed our deepest wounds
our souls will have their fill of comfort
and our lips will have theirs, too
...just a day, another day
and we will be together
under sky and willow tree
the sunrise and the sunset
above the falling leaves
just a day, another day
and we will have forever
just a day, another day
and we will be together
I love you, Deirdre!
Monday, September 1
Posted
1.9.03
by Deirdre
Out of the picture
Sisters, brothers, friends and lovers; careless how we treat each other... we throw ourselves at the canvas in stains of black and blue. With shades of gray to skin, and painted bones beneath our gaze down from these tainted eyes of red, we are staring at the palette just as one who's read between the lines of love and dipped the brush in lies, coloring a world to meet a colorless delight. When will we love outside ourselves? When will brighter colors be claimed from off the shelf? How long can we--will we wait to want to love; or will we fail to climb above our frame and let the artist's name remain? For we all know now we're not art. All we are is just a stain. And until we step out of the picture, should we dare to wear His name?
Wednesday, August 13
Posted
13.8.03
by Deirdre
Patre luminum
(Father of lights)
Viola's bow, played below,
tarry on a flat note creed!
In key of lowly, lonely tuning,
sing cello, harp, and lead!
And summon soon, tonight's new moon
through songs of darkest melody.
i: Instructions to a symphony.
Monday, August 4
Posted
4.8.03
by Deirdre
Hebrews 2:1 NASB
"We must pay much closer attention to what we
have heard, so that we do not drift away from it!"
Posted
4.8.03
by Deirdre
four lane highway
today didn't wait to take a life
that waited yesterday for this future
that all turned dark and spun into a ditch
was that the last you saw of the road
you'd waited life-long to find the end of
cause our vehicle wouldn't stop to help you out
and now I regret every passing second passing by me
and I wonder if you're dead and wondering why
it cost us every effort just to cry
it took you seconds there to die
Thursday, July 24
Posted
24.7.03
by Deirdre
Fading memories, making new ones
Bliss is
a lethean drip
from a sea of forgetfulness.
The styx I've sailed,
and sins I've bled
had resurfaced again and again.
But now that I've tasted you,
a river lethe, deep enough to swim,
cannot end the eternity
that I'm drowning in.
Sunday, June 8
Posted
8.6.03
by Deirdre
sickly
see pale face
a sad state
sickly pallor
empty plate
hear a song
and aaron surely
can take you back
to where doug left
by cursing a friend
killing a brother
oh
so what takes you down
so sickly
Thursday, June 5
Posted
5.6.03
by Deirdre
I'll be the last thing on your mind
makeshift bliss
in headlong trip
numb to all the tenderness
severed nerves
so unperturbed
stinging bees across bodies
never even feeling this
failures...
breaking nails on the prison wall
while counting down another three
holding head down low beneath hands.
beneath feet, the dust that makes me.
this is now your conscience burning
watching me pull hair, pull teeth
grow feet, but get cut down again
by the miming act that has me convinced
that I am chained and still walled in
and the dust is rising around me like a sinking sand
Oh God You must speak to me
after today I am probably the last thing on your mind
yet You love me in spite of being convinced of
what You said to Yourself upon that cross:
"I'll be the last thing on your mind"
Lord, I don't want to make you secondary to these cravings
Wednesday, June 4
Posted
4.6.03
by Deirdre
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Thursday, May 29
Posted
29.5.03
by Deirdre
in scherzo
long-winded, still he makes his move
in scherzo--spiry, wooing, dancing,
moving closely in to take her hand, he says
you are so beautiful, and I've waited lifelong for this
cause your face has lit my way to Heaven...
but she feigns her ignorance through coy and madness
'cross that pretty face she's wielding.
well, her feeler words hint kiss me, just the same
her heart agrees and meets his lips so lambently.
come away with me, angel...beautiful, heavenly runaway
he says, grinning only inches from her kiss's reach
Friday, May 16
Posted
16.5.03
by Deirdre
Thank you
You're washing my feet
How can you bow down to make me clean
You see right through the veil
And love beyond disease
You infect me
by piercing me with mercy
I thank you for Your mercy
You say You can renew my mind
Jesus make me new tonight
I'm in love with You, Jesus
I am so in love with You
You love between the walls I've raised
And you gently pierce me through
You have loved me though I spit in Your face
I'm so in love with Jesus
I am so in love with You
Thank you, c.c.c.v., for opening my eyes!
Sunday, May 11
Posted
11.5.03
by Deirdre
Renew your mind
Your head is vacant,
mind is taken up with travesties
to stimulate a fantasy.
Simpleton, you hold your head up high
yet, never raise it up
from where you feed your mind.
Hell-bent on a lowly creed:
an intimacy, a god,
a crotch, in all its sovereignty,
pillaging anything you see,
obeying every selfish whim.
You make any passer-by
a slave to (insert-fantasy).
You are the master of your prison,
yet a slave to your body,
marked by scars of inanition from a mental harem
fighting Solomon for first,
in a master/slave battle royal
packed with clever irony.
Saturday, May 3
Posted
3.5.03
by Deirdre
Hope to never be without you
Cling to me.
Come away with me.
Follow me home
to our future,
to our life together.
Lovesick with you,
yet I am feeling better,
now that I know you'll settle
down with me.
Stay with me,
marry me.
Cling to me.
Friday, April 18
Posted
18.4.03
by Deirdre
No longer schizo
No welcome at the door, and I wipe my shoes.
Since when were you so synical?
they say about the attitude.
Honestly, it's not that I'm any different.
It's that I'm honest now that I'm naked.
David said ten to a room yet no petition.
Everything's amiss.
A few prayers have been misplaced.
So I was honest but your laughs still shut me out.
I felt like this is all I'll ever be from here on out
I felt that no one would remember a me that once stood, burning.
I'm beginning to doubt I even did that.
But I'd rather be honest than try and polish my shell for Sunday.
I'm no longer schizo.
Had you met my twin?
He's filled my shoes since I was ten.
Now he's just a severed head, and I'm no longer schizo.
©2003 AshNook
Sunday, April 13
Posted
13.4.03
by Deirdre
Fed up with starving
How is it adequate
they know it's never enough
it's just a feeling that you've been feeding them.
When was it adequate
you know it's never enough
it's just a feeling you've been fed. Up...
til' now your god, endorfins,
sat enthroned sovereign upon your three lb. fallen brain.
You'd never know the enemy had your flank.
Allegorically speaking of milk as the simpleton's religion
do you think we'll ever climb the pyramid to the top every food group?
As it is, they're preying on the weak when we vacation on foundation
at the bottom of the food chain.
How is it adequate, gorging cream in revelry.
We're fed and fed, but still we're left here starving.
Though we throttle throats of brethren in our common calling.
Still, the Sunday morning church-going, milk-mustached pacifists
chronicly repose the pliancy of our perpetual immaturity.
©2003 AshNook
Wednesday, April 9
Posted
9.4.03
by Deirdre
Heavy-handed loss of breath
I must have finally touched down
no more wind to pull me 'round,
no more clouds to bury my head up in.
This is what it is to be grounded.
Bottoms up with no floor to fall under.
No song, no poem, no melody.
I must have finally come down.
In a heavy-handed loss of breath
the sky above my eyes did reft
the last of me, the best of me.
You've got the best of me.
I promise you I'll write some more
if it means a thing, don't close the door on me.
On me. I'm yours. It's on me. On me.
©2003 AshNook
Tuesday, April 1
Posted
1.4.03
by Deirdre
A mother's friend
The toy ambulance tumbled down the staircase,
echoing the taping of falling rain from gutters to an outer windowsill.
I heard it from the kitchen, the patter of little feet...
my children playing above the ceiling floorboards.
Innocence and abandon followed their chuckles and playful screams.
I cannot thank the dishes enough, again returning to their daily high.
But my eyes are flirting with the recliner in the den now.
I turn in step, but without seeing the ambulance that cleverly trips me.
And again--today like yesterday, I am floored with laughter and their share of pain...
So I arise and return to the kitchen again, where I find a friend in my bottle of Aspirin.
©2003 Nicholas White
Saturday, March 29
Posted
29.3.03
by Deirdre
a mad, mad girl
please pity the pitiful red-faced underdog
girl with a mission to fission
so sad
so very glad to be just that.
sitting and wallowing in her self-pity
alone with a phone book
full of those who don't give a ship
nor enough to see that she'll float.
discontinue the decaying process
that ever-downward spiral from
the undertoe
in all its promised amends
that constant creed; the need be me.
you and your bitter daily song-list of addiction
to your self-loathing manifestation in the public eye; pride.
ninny on my blindside
riddling my backside
bullets from her past time
bitterness of last time
Friday, March 21
Posted
21.3.03
by Deirdre
In the rainthe room is loud
their faces are indifferent towards me now
all staring freely through me
with the eyes behind those empty heads.
I scream I want to die, my friend
though you never called me friend,
have you ever called, my friend
and did you hear me call you friend
the stage was set when we came in
to do
or undo
oh, what to do
how to undo me echoes
in the voices raised above my theme song
everyone will egg me on
and drown me out
Leaving me out to dry,
but in the rain
and I'm standing in the rain again
Posted
21.3.03
by Deirdre
Dear me,
Perhaps you think the loneliness
will justify the silence.
I've often eavesdropped on your quiet ramblings in your head,
you promising a glorious end to meet the means which
is killing you
gradually.
Always,
you
Sunday, March 16
Posted
16.3.03
by Deirdre
Steven's cult
Your mouth spews only dirty water, Steven
even on the morning on the way to church.
You make outrageous claims
with your uneducated forsight.
your doctrine blasphemes Christ who'd save you.
The inner man in me cries out for ways of misery
to find you here and mute your untamed mouth...
To shove your wisdom where the sun don't shine.
you and your fools gold gospel
can go to hell while you continue saying
oooooh well
Friday, March 14
Posted
14.3.03
by Deirdre
She's my Spring
She counts the hours she is without me
and lonely in her silent wondering.
Her thoughts are racing all about me
and all that we will soon be doing.
The sundial spins
despite our efforts to shake our shadows.
For the rain could never douse the sun with showers,
hence ceasing time to be.
So here I wait beside a teary, dismal meadow's tree,
with no desire for retreating any season's anonymity.
For now she must be only miles from me.
And I am counting flowers that I've picked for her...
and only her, only her.
She's my spring, and I'll hold her into winter,
but I will not release her even then,
when and if we'll marry hither.
In solemn dedication to my distant Deirdre: you are mine, and I will chase you... ignoring the deterrent fears of the unkown and unseen. I will never regret loving you forever. You have my word and my heart!!
©2003 Nicholas White
Monday, March 10
Posted
10.3.03
by Deirdre
Falling asleep
a minor key, tonight's lonely onward moaning
plays sadness to the wayward man in me
in a march night's distant lunar melody
while counting sheep in a crescendo
scales ascend so madly
and I close my eyes on delirante
as if to say I'll enjoy the psychosis
Tuesday, February 18
Posted
18.2.03
by Deirdre
Fossil Fish Net
break free from the doctrinal chains
denominational frays in this tapestry maze
tear it all down! has Christ's body been divided?
lay aside our pride
and forget the battlecry we've sung against our own kind
untie the knots 'round our hands and feet
open up the doors, realize there's neither Jew nor Greek
get up and free yourselves, the earthquake has broken the cell gate
adjust your vision and follow His angel
outside of 'blissful' ignorance
where are your eyes now
where are the body & blood of Christ
drop to your knees and repent of this sin
no longer closing eyes to Scripture again
no longer below reproach at the pulpit in sin
no longer what tickles the ears of our visitors
no longer this seeker friendly hush-hush religion
where nothing's the truth, just a lot of mush so we still feel good
dust off your Bibles, follow in the ways of the Bereans
crucify this fleshly denominational heresy forever
and never take it down from that tree
about face, repent, embrace a dying world in need
©2003 Nicholas White
Friday, February 14
Posted
14.2.03
by Deirdre
A peaceful chorus
Another day ending on a pleasant note
One more cloud of gray gone from our sky
for your joy is music to my ears
like a choir of angels singing that you're safely home
Strings and woodwinds join the chorus of your song
while the heavens sweetly darken
(Happy Valentine's Day, Dedge)
©2003 Nicholas White
Posted
14.2.03
by Deirdre
Mark 13:22
hail mary
lullaby
holding hands
in pergamum
constantine's
holiday
bodies up to the sky
with martyrdom
stacking high
the new religion
crucify
say Christ is dead again
and the dark age downcast
breeds a modern day
not just another day
this is a new age creed
with the Bible molting
in a cage
another hail mary for me
oh, rosary
©2003 Nicholas White
Thursday, February 13
Posted
13.2.03
by Deirdre
Crawling highways
I'm taking it in
taken like a bitter pill
taking it cause I love it no matter how silent we remain
for every letter is a mile closer to your hands
but here I am, three thousand miles of distance between me and you
and there you are, where I can only dream of the someday-you-and-me
I'm taking it in
taking it like the bitter pill
taking it in like crawling a highway with tunnel vision.
And still the bitter pill of the longing inside.
I'll remain, thousands of miles away from you
and you'll stay there, where I can only dream of arriving someday
I'm taking it in
taking every precaution not lose my direction
it's worth every painful mile
©2003 Nicholas White
Posted
13.2.03
by Deirdre
The Lord knows our frailties. He is aware of our sins and struggles. Yet neither do they astonish Him or turn His face away. His eyes are continually upon us for our sin and shame has all died with His Son Jesus. By Him turning His gaze away from His only Son, He turned and looked intently upon us, and He sees our weary, weeping eyes, and desires for us to rest.
Wednesday, February 12
Posted
12.2.03
by Deirdre
I can't, who can
I can't wipe my eyes faster than I am crying
and the distance here is greater than I can handle
I can't say that I can hold you when your hands are cold
and this feels like the pain is in the unknown
I can't run to you tonight and reach you by the morning
and this feeling of being lost has tied my feet
I can't see beyond the gray skies
and hear beyond the thunder, but I know who can.
©2003 Nicholas White
Posted
12.2.03
by Deirdre
don't, it's done
don't feel lost
he's gonna find you
he's gonna grab your hand
don't feel lost
even if you are
even if you can't see the road
even if the trees can hide the moonlight
don't feel lost
even though you feel the silence
even though the loneliness is everywhere
don't feel lost
Deirdre don't feel lost
your future is not up to them
though ahead the path is a lonely hollow
you now walk the road that Jesus walked before you
don't feel lost
cause He walked this way with all the weight of a cross
and He has lost His life and found your future
©2003 Nicholas White
Monday, February 10
Posted
10.2.03
by Deirdre
Cure for the distance
I feel like we must cure this distance.
How many thousands of miles, again?
We've waited our whole lives for this.
I wish I knew the when and how.
I wish I had the answers.
I wish you were here with me,
or I, over there with you.
Because I wake up with your name on my lips.
And I'd wait to follow you around eternity in Unity,
I suppose that God has only given us the wait.
And we will have to wait for this.
This is worth every minute.
©2003 Nicholas White
Wednesday, February 5
Posted
5.2.03
by Deirdre
When we meet, we wont depart
When we talk
We don't say much
But we don't fight much
Aint it something
We don't say much
But our talks are unperturbed
Still I'd like to talk more
Cause I miss you even when I'm with you
Because we just drown out all the emotion
And pretend that we aren't even going there
élan is somewhere, someplace lonely
you and I will find it
and you know when we meet we wont depart
©2003 Nicholas White
Sunday, February 2
Posted
2.2.03
by Deirdre
Hey kids! Here are a few pointers from your local public school!!
Your lusts are so easy to come by.
If you steal virginity, "planned parenthood" picks up the bill.
We can't stress enough the virtue in: if it feels good do it.
Have you decided not to keep your children?
We've got garbage cans full of them behind our abortion clinics,
go ahead, we'll take those inconveniences off your hands.
We know that the important brain cells are all between your legs,
so by the time the doctor takes out your trash,
we'll have plenty of condoms at the pep rally for your "healthy experimenting."
By the way, we'll be awarding prizes to anyone who can tell us
who coined the virtuous catch phrase, "Turn on, Tune in, drop out."
If you get bored with sex, try an "alternative lifestyle." It's completely normal!
Also, try a few religions, as long as you wont go near Christianity.
And if you see a man who calls Himself Jesus Christ,
don't trust him. He only wants to rob you of your fun!
He likes to tell people what to do!
We've had a hard time keeping His invasive 10 commandments out of our school.
Just remember... if it feels good do it...
And it wont cost you a thing
because your children will pay for all the recreation later.
We hope you continue your educational journey even into college.
Insincerely, -Your Buddy, the Public School System
Friday, January 31
Posted
31.1.03
by Deirdre
Irate
irate
years of anger
days of hate
prolonged hours I can't relate
to joy, to strength, to peace, to you.
©2003 Nicholas White
Posted
31.1.03
by Deirdre
remembering why I can't be alone
Breaking everything around me when you're not around
Seems to numb my shaking hand that hit the wall just now
My eyes, red, view the hole I made just now.
Oh my God Change my shape like these weary, misplaced bones.
My voice is coarse from screaming that I am drifting through this storm.
the weight of who I am
sinks the ship that sails on shrinking dreams within my soul.
the wait for who I'm not
picks apart my very soul that rots.
I am shattered like the glass I threw at the door.
I will swallow remorse and wash it back with blood and tears.
God I hate the things I've done when I'm alone.
©2003 Nicholas White
Wednesday, January 29
Posted
29.1.03
by megan
Beautiful reality,
how blunt is your sting!
The final blows have yet to fall,
but my tears are enough to bring in the ocean's tide
Let me feel what's worthwhile, only to take it away.
You're a paradox full of cruel laughter,
and the irony leaves me aching inside.
(by Megan)
Tuesday, January 28
Posted
28.1.03
by Deirdre
from deep inside the marrow
I'm quite a freak show strolling down memory lane
come see the circus I've eaten flowers and pig brains
ants and locusts and menudo.
rabbit trails and silence can't keep skeletons inside my closet
but I wont come out anyway
no matter what they say, I am not gay
you can relax, it's okay
I'm no one but the man I am today
go straight off the paved road, turn onto the narrow
come feel my conscience burning from deep inside the marrow
©2003 Nicholas White
Monday, January 27
Posted
27.1.03
by Deirdre
wanderlust
is this thirst for an oblivion . restlessly beyond usurping from
his bottled up fears . and wasted years he cannot shake
countless time lost . times spent without you
kids wish dad had never left them
they miss him and infect him in hopes to see him change
dad asks would absence fix indifference towards his kids .
but regrets can't kiss them while they sleep . or remove the winter sheet
that covers their window view of life outside this pain.
he's the same . lalluping in rage . stays in a cage
he remains enamored with illusion . oblivious to his withering from the inside out
and poisons his childrens dreams of having dad around.
this is his wanderlust
©2003 Nicholas White
Thursday, January 16
Posted
16.1.03
by megan
:: Unreachable ::
Beautiful girl are you empty inside?
Or is there some secret you're trying to hide?
Your facade is deceiving, your mask is crumbling
I can see through your eyes and find you within.
There's something inside you that I'll never know
Because you're running away in triumph,
as tears empty out your sweet smiles.
Empty girl are you ugly inside?
(By Megan)
Tuesday, January 14
Posted
14.1.03
by Deirdre
Michelle's Annie
flower girl, petals clasped gently in hand
they fall center aisle
and on her, every eye
Annie with an open hand sprinkles petals
all around
and you know that she's going away
but you know that she's not gone
and you smile just the same
Annie thinks of holding onto these flower petals
savoring the ending to this story
but this is a beginning
this is a beginning
©2003 Nicholas White
Wednesday, January 8
Posted
8.1.03
by Deirdre
laconic or not
where are the words
where are the voices singing
where are the words
where are the lyrics going
time and time again these songs they don't make sense
and seldom will my faith attempt to leap the fence
where were the words
where was the pithy comeback
where were the words
where were they when I needed them
time and time again I'm caught in numbness
and seldom will complaints begin to find the answers
yet again these songs will not make sense
nor the way dreams always let you down
(by Nicholas)
©2003 Nicholas White
Tuesday, December 31
Posted
31.12.02
by Deirdre
::no fish, no fish, red fish, blue fish::
I cast a line across the river
into a tree. there's nothing bitter
in my mouth except the taste
of rootbeer one hour old.
and my line, it comes down, after
tugging it around, it finally comes down
into my face
just embrace
the feeling of an empty hand
a sudden and cold breeze
a constant undertoe
pulling my line downstream
hours and hours of no response
nor a tug at the end of my pole
I reel in and then turn in
for it's all over
yes, the day is over
and I've caught
nothing again
(by Nicholas)
©2003 Nicholas White
Tuesday, December 24
Posted
24.12.02
by Deirdre
::high low::
candles.
I'm all alone,
lighting candles
to savor the lonely.
the lonely...
night the bedroom door
closed tightly;
secured so tightly.
and I am alone so
would you dance
for me
lit candle wick
flickering off the walls
I know I'm dabbling
in things I've never known
though correct I am
in reasoning this is wrong
I'm still peddling my innocence
for more.
my sin is through the roof now,
while this incense rises
and my pride sinks below the floor,
it holds me, drops me, unlocks the door
walks out and leaves me stained
(by Nick)
©2003 Nicholas White
Sunday, December 22
Posted
22.12.02
by Deirdre
::a song for Megan::
confusion was our battleground
duration was what finally found
a meeting place for you and me
to finally speak; friend to friend
meet here any night
before or after every fight
cause pride should never hold
us back from speaking patiently.
return to here
after your thoughts regain,
after your mind settles from arguing.
know now I'm weak and He is strong
and faithful to forge a truce prolonged
by the grace that saved us.
now we are friends again. that was then.
and misperceiving you will not be reason
enough to hurt a friend.
now, all that's left is grace
and you and me.
let's pace this slowly
let's take this gently
(By Nick)
©2003 Nicholas White
Friday, December 20
Posted
20.12.02
by megan
@>~ pages
Another blank page before me
and at my feet lie the shreds,
of every last attempt,
to transcend reality.
A stroke of the pen and its broken.
And what should be said's unspoken
Words of peace lose their meaning,
when written by this artist's hand.
So they slip from the page like sand,
fall to my feet where fading.
Next time, I'll try yet again
to piece this all together...
before I too fall apart.
For every letter I've torn up. Truth is worth more than beauty, trust surpasses the imperfections, and integrity is more valuable than appearances.
//\\//\\.||\\||.//\\//\\
(written by Megan; edited by Nick)
Tuesday, December 17
Posted
17.12.02
by Deirdre
::a song for Mike::
How it halts my eyes from wandering the nothing
Oh my God this sinks into my soul,
if only You would sing reason to me, then I would know
why my eyes are washing my face.
My frown erased and I grimaced the need for conclusion.
How my thoughts are pondering the nothing
that we were before this all came down
your eyes looked over my way and you motioned
for this to quit
so I raised my hand and begged the Lord for recess
I can't express enough what hell is like
But you could tell quite a few stories.
My friend, when this all is over we'll see Jesus walking
among the seven golden lampstands. The very churches
that were nearly never there. And we'll feel His hand turning
us around.
Not this time around, will emotions swinging right the wrong
that left us spinning. So lay down and know that He is God and
wait this out.
(for my brother, my irish mother, the wolfman, the bass guru, the all around ladies man, Mike Shipley)
©2003 Nicholas White
Sunday, December 15
Posted
15.12.02
by Deirdre
::zephaniah 3:17::
"The Lord your God in your midst The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
Can I sing too? Are You aware of my coarse voice, Lord? Then teach me a new melody
that I can hum within my range to love You. And take these hands and put them to words,
when I say that I will serve you. For I want to hold on when you hold me. Sing over me.
Thank you for enduring me in my melancholy!!
©2003 Nicholas White
Posted
15.12.02
by Deirdre
Full Circle
The faith of a little child
May waiver as he grows old
Wondering, trying to believe
Yes, you are real
Not just my dream
But hope can get lost
through the years
Memories, hidden in my tears
Snowmen, snow-angels
And tracks through the woods
Disappear as the
seasons change
Footprints on sandy beaches
Vanquished with the tide
Swirl and ebb to distant seas
Belief turns to doubt
Doubt to denial
Denial to sand
Sand slips through my fingers
Cascading castles
develop at my feet
I grow young again
And believe in things I have never seen
(by Stewart White sr)
Wednesday, December 11
Posted
11.12.02
by megan
Thorns peircing through my skull,
this cross forces me to the dust.
Etched in my mind an image of you,
I rise and go on for I must.
Can you see my anguish?
Can you fathom this pain?
My love for you is what forces me on,
I'm not bound by any chain.
These tears fall from my sorrow,
this blood pours from my pain,
If you knew how much I loved you,
You'd know I'd do it all over again.
Do you know how
I long to hold you?
Close in my embrace?
While you're cursing me,
and spitting in my face.
And as I hang here dying,
I see that you are crying.
My child, yet I love you,
find peace in my love,
for its always true.
(by Megan Staley)
Saturday, December 7
Posted
7.12.02
by Deirdre
Numb, can't feel it anymore
the only thing left hurting
is the absence of my pain
I smile, I laugh I dance
through one more day
I have joy, but yet inside
I still feel so empty
Maybe I had to cut myself
In two pieces just so one
could live on.
(by Megan Staley)
Thursday, December 5
Posted
5.12.02
by Deirdre
::qoholet::
don't need a muse
wont heed amusement
don't leave a jester
to makebelieve I laughed
wont try and stay
or let you think I'm mad
all the voices, they say:
"Fake you feel right!!
La la la,
lie, laugh and smile.
Laugh it up! Just stay awhile. You might think life's dead
cause you've never faked (that you're alive).
Rightfully well
you've never felt
like how you'd fake you feel."
if the voices would shut up
you might say I would be glad
yes if they would only shut up
maybe then I would be glad
and then make a gesture
vaguely resembling a laugh
(by Nicholas)
©2003 Nicholas White
Tuesday, November 26
Posted
26.11.02
by Deirdre
::On a cold and lonely autumn night::
[Bm---Dmaj7/F#---Emaj---Emaj6(9)]
I saw her like daylight | on a backdrop of autumn moonlight
a wife whose kindness | takes more than these words to describe
[musical interlude]
And she shimmered in moonlight | a dove flying at midnight
I pondered and wondered why
[Bridge: Amaj--Amaj7--E--E7/F#--Gmaj6--Amaj--Dmajor--Dminor -- Bm/G Dmaj7/F#]
Why should a fragile bird be released to the sky | on a night so alone? and did I
Even consider that this is not her home | and she has no place to go, or reason why.
For what reason do I | not leap over this precifice as if to meet her in the air
God only knows how I'd cherish her | Oh yes, I'd cherish her
Though for a season I've covered my eyes | as if to lose sight.
I still admire your glow. | If only my eyes would be uncovered
Then I'd take your hand in mine
On a cold and lonely autumn night
[B6-Bm A6/F# Esus4 F#m Abm7 C#m7-C#2]
(by Nicholas for...)
©2003 Nicholas White
Saturday, November 23
Posted
23.11.02
by Deirdre
::Restraint::
Whisper softly in my ear | words that drown me down in here
I cannot wait for you to quit | I know no other way than this
Whisper softly in my ear | threats that drag me down in tears
I will not wait for you to quit | I know no other way than this
Resist
I hold my head low | and shake my fists
thru prayer I opt out | and display restraint
lyrical note: this song is about demonic taunting. The Bible says, "Resist the Devil and he will flee from you."
(by Nicholas)
©2003 Nicholas White
Posted
23.11.02
by Deirdre
::Inside of me::
How long will we be incapable of innocence
I want out | set me free
tell me when they answer me:
"Take these chains | leave this cell"
I find respite | locked away
Away; way out of your way
A way to walk away
incabable of innocence
(repeat)
Call out my name.
I want out | set me free
from this sinful withering
inside of me
Hosea 8:5 (in the key of Dm, walked down to Bbmaj)
©2003 Nicholas White
Friday, November 22
Posted
22.11.02
by Deirdre
::But I'm a poser::
6 years
Did you like it while it lasted?
for years we shared more than just a girlfriend
though I didn't find out that detail till now
(it's like)
six years,
out in the shed with no hatchet
and ministry like wood is stacked so high
even salvation should motivate
but I see the only swinging
is not of axe but pendulum sinning
You followed your lusts out the door
And hopped the fence to run away
You leave religiously, without reason, without coat or jacket. Freezing.
although I'd like you to stay
It'd suffice me if you'd even leave a note
you have never
and someday it will be that you're gone
Permenantly, without reason, without me
you wont suffice me and stay
and you'd never leave a note. This time have you gone away
forever
no, please not forever!
don't end this here and leave me, laughing
(for Robert)
©2003 Nicholas White
Thursday, November 21
Posted
21.11.02
by megan
Standing to face the music,
with my back turned on life.
Looking to the beauty,
and running from the light.
I wrap my arms around the emptiness,
and revel in its dark delight.
Thirsty to feel alive again,
I bury myself in what I can.
(by Megan)
Tuesday, November 19
Posted
19.11.02
by Deirdre
There're sins I repeatedly betray, only to save for another day.
Why don't I hate them like I should?
Why can't I just walk away?
I don't hate them like I should
Yet I rape them every day
I still can't hate them like I should
No, I don't hate them like I should
I don't hate this like I should
And I return to my own vomit like a dog
lyrical note: not literal rape... just a term I used to describe how obsessively self-pleasing I am. I hate it too...but it seems my desires get the best of me. I'm really sick of the rut I crave so impatiently...the rut that impales me so I can't get away. I wish God would just take my life away from me, because I play these games with my heart and I frequent both teams of God or Sin.
Proverbs 26:11; 2 Peter 2:22.
©2003 Nicholas White
Posted
19.11.02
by Deirdre
I take my shoes off outside
Let my heart and will unbind
I check my pockets just to find
Paper and pen with which to write
to write down all my lusts and my
plan to sin and then to hide
but it's alright, (right?)
No it's not right. I am lonely.
Please tell me it's alright
That you'll restore me now and
Let's not fight
You'll drive here and find me, right?
I don't know where I am
But, I do know that it's dark outside...
I do know that it's dark outside.
(the Bible says that your sin
will find you out.)
©2003 Nicholas White
Saturday, November 16
Posted
16.11.02
by Deirdre
::Laodicea::
I leave you to contemplate
the plastic Jesus that you made
and the boxed-up religion, pseudo-Christianity
So, fakers like the way your face turns green?
Maybe they do when you pull the strings
When prayers are like sticks and God's the piñata
Hit, hit, hit, hit. Does candy start dropping?
"Roll over, lie down, play fetch, God... OBEY!"
Just now I saw your "holy laughter"
And I wonder where has Jesus gone hiding?
Certainly not in the mouths
on faces talking
Of why and when or who they're locking
up in a box, where none of their talks will be on Him
rather: "faith healing" or "name it and claim it" instead.
And you build palaces while drinking from chalices
made from the golden years of the naive followers
...who never noticed that
Sunday to sunday you keep getting fatter
From treating God's church like a steak on a platter
The $'s in your eyes, they coincide with plastic boxes, and idols my mocks find.
Targets
Of ridicule and of shame
God's tapping His fingers and heresy's to blame
For fleecing the sheep for your own wallets
and twisting the scriptures. You know you're all liars
And flyers hang reading "for sale! any buyers for prayer rugs, nightlights and holy tear-filled vials"
But God knows none of you represent
the power and glory and gospel presented...
So this cult with fall like how you "heal" on TBN.
Yes, fakers like the way your sermons tickle their ears (2 Tim. 4:3)
But God is not about what wont offend us
A Mr. Rogers who just comes to play with us
To show us the trolly and his world of makebelieve
Of cardboard and handpuppets and smiling neurotically
Revelation 3:14-19
©2003 Nicholas White
Monday, November 11
Posted
11.11.02
by Deirdre
Nothing
Nothing left
Nothing right
Nothing
I'd settle for anything more than this emptiness
when it leaves my hands in cold trembling
Why have they slapped the hand pursuing companionship
Leaving these burdens on bruised shoulders.
The empty-eyed never fill an empty cup.
I may not be full or perfect, but at least I am not bottomless like you
No one
No one left
No one backed me up
No one backed me up when I said Jesus fills the cup of the outcast.
Nothing left... nothing. right?
No, they have never dried my eyes like Jesus.
Galations 6:2
©2003 Nicholas White
Friday, November 8
Posted
8.11.02
by Deirdre
I watched to see in disbelief
The wanderers pass by
Time and time again they let
time carelessly pass by
And their eyes
Never have met mine
I'd ask you for some change but you'd
never change a thing
you'd just talk past me
And when it is over
all of your searching over
all your self-seeking over,
when you will discover that you can't find it in yourself
Who will pass by you and not say hi
(for Megan)
Matthew 25:44
©2003 Nicholas White
Wednesday, October 30
Posted
30.10.02
by Deirdre
Potter Girl
You're so beautiful
Yet undefined & formless now
a purposeless potter's clay
shapeless, simple
and put away
There is one whom you know
In you, His Spirit shows
All the darkness inward-grown
And calls you out to pray
Oh, that picturesque fine one-day mourning
The Savior's death, in grave sojourning
Freed a girl from lax free-falling down
Down, down
(for Jessie)
Hebrews 4:15
©2003 Nicholas White
Saturday, October 19
Posted
19.10.02
by Deirdre
You put me in the best of moods
Taking my fall and all of my blues
Giving me back my springtime green
and summer's resounding woo
I almost forgot
what this was all about
almost forgot life's greatest jewel
you are so wonderful
You hold my attention even in your gloom
And put me in the best of moods
I love everything about you
You put me in the best of moods
(for Deirdre)
Proverbs 3:3
Inspired by my muse (my friend, an angel from heaven), this poem was even recognized by the National Society of Poets' 2002 Convention as noteworthy, and has been recently published in the book: Letters from the Soul. Thank you Deirdre!
©2003 Nicholas White
Monday, June 24
Posted
24.6.02
by Deirdre
I never believed this girl of my dreams loved me enough to return to me.
Tonight she came to me, still only in a dream.
Didn't last; this did not bleed color through tomorrow's black and white memory.
(for the girl in my dream)
Isaiah 29:8
"as when a hungry man dreams that he is eating, but he awakens, and his hunger remains; as when a thirsty man dreams that he is drinking, but he awakens faint, with his thirst unquenched..."
©2003 Nicholas White