Tuesday, December 31
Posted
31.12.02
by Deirdre
::no fish, no fish, red fish, blue fish::
I cast a line across the river
into a tree. there's nothing bitter
in my mouth except the taste
of rootbeer one hour old.
and my line, it comes down, after
tugging it around, it finally comes down
into my face
just embrace
the feeling of an empty hand
a sudden and cold breeze
a constant undertoe
pulling my line downstream
hours and hours of no response
nor a tug at the end of my pole
I reel in and then turn in
for it's all over
yes, the day is over
and I've caught
nothing again
(by Nicholas)
©2003 Nicholas White
Tuesday, December 24
Posted
24.12.02
by Deirdre
::high low::
candles.
I'm all alone,
lighting candles
to savor the lonely.
the lonely...
night the bedroom door
closed tightly;
secured so tightly.
and I am alone so
would you dance
for me
lit candle wick
flickering off the walls
I know I'm dabbling
in things I've never known
though correct I am
in reasoning this is wrong
I'm still peddling my innocence
for more.
my sin is through the roof now,
while this incense rises
and my pride sinks below the floor,
it holds me, drops me, unlocks the door
walks out and leaves me stained
(by Nick)
©2003 Nicholas White
Sunday, December 22
Posted
22.12.02
by Deirdre
::a song for Megan::
confusion was our battleground
duration was what finally found
a meeting place for you and me
to finally speak; friend to friend
meet here any night
before or after every fight
cause pride should never hold
us back from speaking patiently.
return to here
after your thoughts regain,
after your mind settles from arguing.
know now I'm weak and He is strong
and faithful to forge a truce prolonged
by the grace that saved us.
now we are friends again. that was then.
and misperceiving you will not be reason
enough to hurt a friend.
now, all that's left is grace
and you and me.
let's pace this slowly
let's take this gently
(By Nick)
©2003 Nicholas White
Friday, December 20
Posted
20.12.02
by megan
@>~ pages
Another blank page before me
and at my feet lie the shreds,
of every last attempt,
to transcend reality.
A stroke of the pen and its broken.
And what should be said's unspoken
Words of peace lose their meaning,
when written by this artist's hand.
So they slip from the page like sand,
fall to my feet where fading.
Next time, I'll try yet again
to piece this all together...
before I too fall apart.
For every letter I've torn up. Truth is worth more than beauty, trust surpasses the imperfections, and integrity is more valuable than appearances.
//\\//\\.||\\||.//\\//\\
(written by Megan; edited by Nick)
Tuesday, December 17
Posted
17.12.02
by Deirdre
::a song for Mike::
How it halts my eyes from wandering the nothing
Oh my God this sinks into my soul,
if only You would sing reason to me, then I would know
why my eyes are washing my face.
My frown erased and I grimaced the need for conclusion.
How my thoughts are pondering the nothing
that we were before this all came down
your eyes looked over my way and you motioned
for this to quit
so I raised my hand and begged the Lord for recess
I can't express enough what hell is like
But you could tell quite a few stories.
My friend, when this all is over we'll see Jesus walking
among the seven golden lampstands. The very churches
that were nearly never there. And we'll feel His hand turning
us around.
Not this time around, will emotions swinging right the wrong
that left us spinning. So lay down and know that He is God and
wait this out.
(for my brother, my irish mother, the wolfman, the bass guru, the all around ladies man, Mike Shipley)
©2003 Nicholas White
Sunday, December 15
Posted
15.12.02
by Deirdre
::zephaniah 3:17::
"The Lord your God in your midst The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
Can I sing too? Are You aware of my coarse voice, Lord? Then teach me a new melody
that I can hum within my range to love You. And take these hands and put them to words,
when I say that I will serve you. For I want to hold on when you hold me. Sing over me.
Thank you for enduring me in my melancholy!!
©2003 Nicholas White
Posted
15.12.02
by Deirdre
Full Circle
The faith of a little child
May waiver as he grows old
Wondering, trying to believe
Yes, you are real
Not just my dream
But hope can get lost
through the years
Memories, hidden in my tears
Snowmen, snow-angels
And tracks through the woods
Disappear as the
seasons change
Footprints on sandy beaches
Vanquished with the tide
Swirl and ebb to distant seas
Belief turns to doubt
Doubt to denial
Denial to sand
Sand slips through my fingers
Cascading castles
develop at my feet
I grow young again
And believe in things I have never seen
(by Stewart White sr)
Wednesday, December 11
Posted
11.12.02
by megan
Thorns peircing through my skull,
this cross forces me to the dust.
Etched in my mind an image of you,
I rise and go on for I must.
Can you see my anguish?
Can you fathom this pain?
My love for you is what forces me on,
I'm not bound by any chain.
These tears fall from my sorrow,
this blood pours from my pain,
If you knew how much I loved you,
You'd know I'd do it all over again.
Do you know how
I long to hold you?
Close in my embrace?
While you're cursing me,
and spitting in my face.
And as I hang here dying,
I see that you are crying.
My child, yet I love you,
find peace in my love,
for its always true.
(by Megan Staley)
Saturday, December 7
Posted
7.12.02
by Deirdre
Numb, can't feel it anymore
the only thing left hurting
is the absence of my pain
I smile, I laugh I dance
through one more day
I have joy, but yet inside
I still feel so empty
Maybe I had to cut myself
In two pieces just so one
could live on.
(by Megan Staley)
Thursday, December 5
Posted
5.12.02
by Deirdre
::qoholet::
don't need a muse
wont heed amusement
don't leave a jester
to makebelieve I laughed
wont try and stay
or let you think I'm mad
all the voices, they say:
"Fake you feel right!!
La la la,
lie, laugh and smile.
Laugh it up! Just stay awhile. You might think life's dead
cause you've never faked (that you're alive).
Rightfully well
you've never felt
like how you'd fake you feel."
if the voices would shut up
you might say I would be glad
yes if they would only shut up
maybe then I would be glad
and then make a gesture
vaguely resembling a laugh
(by Nicholas)
©2003 Nicholas White
Tuesday, November 26
Posted
26.11.02
by Deirdre
::On a cold and lonely autumn night::
[Bm---Dmaj7/F#---Emaj---Emaj6(9)]
I saw her like daylight | on a backdrop of autumn moonlight
a wife whose kindness | takes more than these words to describe
[musical interlude]
And she shimmered in moonlight | a dove flying at midnight
I pondered and wondered why
[Bridge: Amaj--Amaj7--E--E7/F#--Gmaj6--Amaj--Dmajor--Dminor -- Bm/G Dmaj7/F#]
Why should a fragile bird be released to the sky | on a night so alone? and did I
Even consider that this is not her home | and she has no place to go, or reason why.
For what reason do I | not leap over this precifice as if to meet her in the air
God only knows how I'd cherish her | Oh yes, I'd cherish her
Though for a season I've covered my eyes | as if to lose sight.
I still admire your glow. | If only my eyes would be uncovered
Then I'd take your hand in mine
On a cold and lonely autumn night
[B6-Bm A6/F# Esus4 F#m Abm7 C#m7-C#2]
(by Nicholas for...)
©2003 Nicholas White
Saturday, November 23
Posted
23.11.02
by Deirdre
::Restraint::
Whisper softly in my ear | words that drown me down in here
I cannot wait for you to quit | I know no other way than this
Whisper softly in my ear | threats that drag me down in tears
I will not wait for you to quit | I know no other way than this
Resist
I hold my head low | and shake my fists
thru prayer I opt out | and display restraint
lyrical note: this song is about demonic taunting. The Bible says, "Resist the Devil and he will flee from you."
(by Nicholas)
©2003 Nicholas White
Posted
23.11.02
by Deirdre
::Inside of me::
How long will we be incapable of innocence
I want out | set me free
tell me when they answer me:
"Take these chains | leave this cell"
I find respite | locked away
Away; way out of your way
A way to walk away
incabable of innocence
(repeat)
Call out my name.
I want out | set me free
from this sinful withering
inside of me
Hosea 8:5 (in the key of Dm, walked down to Bbmaj)
©2003 Nicholas White
Friday, November 22
Posted
22.11.02
by Deirdre
::But I'm a poser::
6 years
Did you like it while it lasted?
for years we shared more than just a girlfriend
though I didn't find out that detail till now
(it's like)
six years,
out in the shed with no hatchet
and ministry like wood is stacked so high
even salvation should motivate
but I see the only swinging
is not of axe but pendulum sinning
You followed your lusts out the door
And hopped the fence to run away
You leave religiously, without reason, without coat or jacket. Freezing.
although I'd like you to stay
It'd suffice me if you'd even leave a note
you have never
and someday it will be that you're gone
Permenantly, without reason, without me
you wont suffice me and stay
and you'd never leave a note. This time have you gone away
forever
no, please not forever!
don't end this here and leave me, laughing
(for Robert)
©2003 Nicholas White
Thursday, November 21
Posted
21.11.02
by megan
Standing to face the music,
with my back turned on life.
Looking to the beauty,
and running from the light.
I wrap my arms around the emptiness,
and revel in its dark delight.
Thirsty to feel alive again,
I bury myself in what I can.
(by Megan)
Tuesday, November 19
Posted
19.11.02
by Deirdre
There're sins I repeatedly betray, only to save for another day.
Why don't I hate them like I should?
Why can't I just walk away?
I don't hate them like I should
Yet I rape them every day
I still can't hate them like I should
No, I don't hate them like I should
I don't hate this like I should
And I return to my own vomit like a dog
lyrical note: not literal rape... just a term I used to describe how obsessively self-pleasing I am. I hate it too...but it seems my desires get the best of me. I'm really sick of the rut I crave so impatiently...the rut that impales me so I can't get away. I wish God would just take my life away from me, because I play these games with my heart and I frequent both teams of God or Sin.
Proverbs 26:11; 2 Peter 2:22.
©2003 Nicholas White
Posted
19.11.02
by Deirdre
I take my shoes off outside
Let my heart and will unbind
I check my pockets just to find
Paper and pen with which to write
to write down all my lusts and my
plan to sin and then to hide
but it's alright, (right?)
No it's not right. I am lonely.
Please tell me it's alright
That you'll restore me now and
Let's not fight
You'll drive here and find me, right?
I don't know where I am
But, I do know that it's dark outside...
I do know that it's dark outside.
(the Bible says that your sin
will find you out.)
©2003 Nicholas White
Saturday, November 16
Posted
16.11.02
by Deirdre
::Laodicea::
I leave you to contemplate
the plastic Jesus that you made
and the boxed-up religion, pseudo-Christianity
So, fakers like the way your face turns green?
Maybe they do when you pull the strings
When prayers are like sticks and God's the piñata
Hit, hit, hit, hit. Does candy start dropping?
"Roll over, lie down, play fetch, God... OBEY!"
Just now I saw your "holy laughter"
And I wonder where has Jesus gone hiding?
Certainly not in the mouths
on faces talking
Of why and when or who they're locking
up in a box, where none of their talks will be on Him
rather: "faith healing" or "name it and claim it" instead.
And you build palaces while drinking from chalices
made from the golden years of the naive followers
...who never noticed that
Sunday to sunday you keep getting fatter
From treating God's church like a steak on a platter
The $'s in your eyes, they coincide with plastic boxes, and idols my mocks find.
Targets
Of ridicule and of shame
God's tapping His fingers and heresy's to blame
For fleecing the sheep for your own wallets
and twisting the scriptures. You know you're all liars
And flyers hang reading "for sale! any buyers for prayer rugs, nightlights and holy tear-filled vials"
But God knows none of you represent
the power and glory and gospel presented...
So this cult with fall like how you "heal" on TBN.
Yes, fakers like the way your sermons tickle their ears (2 Tim. 4:3)
But God is not about what wont offend us
A Mr. Rogers who just comes to play with us
To show us the trolly and his world of makebelieve
Of cardboard and handpuppets and smiling neurotically
Revelation 3:14-19
©2003 Nicholas White
Monday, November 11
Posted
11.11.02
by Deirdre
Nothing
Nothing left
Nothing right
Nothing
I'd settle for anything more than this emptiness
when it leaves my hands in cold trembling
Why have they slapped the hand pursuing companionship
Leaving these burdens on bruised shoulders.
The empty-eyed never fill an empty cup.
I may not be full or perfect, but at least I am not bottomless like you
No one
No one left
No one backed me up
No one backed me up when I said Jesus fills the cup of the outcast.
Nothing left... nothing. right?
No, they have never dried my eyes like Jesus.
Galations 6:2
©2003 Nicholas White
Friday, November 8
Posted
8.11.02
by Deirdre
I watched to see in disbelief
The wanderers pass by
Time and time again they let
time carelessly pass by
And their eyes
Never have met mine
I'd ask you for some change but you'd
never change a thing
you'd just talk past me
And when it is over
all of your searching over
all your self-seeking over,
when you will discover that you can't find it in yourself
Who will pass by you and not say hi
(for Megan)
Matthew 25:44
©2003 Nicholas White
Wednesday, October 30
Posted
30.10.02
by Deirdre
Potter Girl
You're so beautiful
Yet undefined & formless now
a purposeless potter's clay
shapeless, simple
and put away
There is one whom you know
In you, His Spirit shows
All the darkness inward-grown
And calls you out to pray
Oh, that picturesque fine one-day mourning
The Savior's death, in grave sojourning
Freed a girl from lax free-falling down
Down, down
(for Jessie)
Hebrews 4:15
©2003 Nicholas White
Saturday, October 19
Posted
19.10.02
by Deirdre
You put me in the best of moods
Taking my fall and all of my blues
Giving me back my springtime green
and summer's resounding woo
I almost forgot
what this was all about
almost forgot life's greatest jewel
you are so wonderful
You hold my attention even in your gloom
And put me in the best of moods
I love everything about you
You put me in the best of moods
(for Deirdre)
Proverbs 3:3
Inspired by my muse (my friend, an angel from heaven), this poem was even recognized by the National Society of Poets' 2002 Convention as noteworthy, and has been recently published in the book: Letters from the Soul. Thank you Deirdre!
©2003 Nicholas White
Monday, June 24
Posted
24.6.02
by Deirdre
I never believed this girl of my dreams loved me enough to return to me.
Tonight she came to me, still only in a dream.
Didn't last; this did not bleed color through tomorrow's black and white memory.
(for the girl in my dream)
Isaiah 29:8
"as when a hungry man dreams that he is eating, but he awakens, and his hunger remains; as when a thirsty man dreams that he is drinking, but he awakens faint, with his thirst unquenched..."
©2003 Nicholas White